I came across this movie the other day on the Chiller network. Why did I watch? Strippers, rednecks, aliens, Jeremy London and Roddy Piper. I'm shocked that this movie is in no way available on Netflix. Streaming or disc.
Aliens crash land in a rednecks junk yard...shortly after the redneck was killed by his hot young wife's crazy mother. The problem is that they can't get his body out of the junk yard in order to collect on his life insurance. What is a person to do? Why put out a $100,000 reward for the person who will go into the junk yard, kill the alien and bring out the dead redneck losers body.
At this point the movie becomes re-DAMN-diculous. Yes, up to this point the movie was just bad...now its ridiculousness is on a whole new level. Including a drunk Jeremy London, a housewife with a full on Thompson submachine gun and Roddy Piper as a fighting priest. Oh, did I mention the French maid? Yeah, there's a girl who gets kicked out of a car at the start of the movie and spends most of her screen time in a French maid outfit even though she is dragging around a suitcase.
Apparently in this redneck town all you need to do is have people sign a waiver and it's okay for them to run around trying to kill an alien (or each other for that matter).
At the start of the movie the alien is what appears to be, how do I put this....a bear in a space suit with a Halo helmet on. But, when the idiots start to run wild in the junk yard they turn into the slugs from Slither. If this movie had a coherent thought I must have missed it.
The collection of characters ranges from the above mentioned nutters to: A man who is looking for his long lost daughter,only to find her before having a grenade blowup in his hands. A group of kids and their karate teacher. A bunch of jar heads. A woman looking for a husband (while dressed up like she belongs in the movie Gone with the Wind). A Lara Croft wanna be...or maybe Jill Valentine would be a better choice? A high school football team and baseball team! (for the record I refuse to spend time looking up/remembering any actual character names!)
Death scenes have't been this cheesy since, well, I really don't have a good point of reference for this level of crap. Jeremy London just acts like a dick the whole movie. At one point tossing a puppy for no reason other than he must really hate dogs. There's something that can only be described as a mechanical alien land shark. Oh and the alien makes some sort of mech out of the junk that has saws and shoots cell phones. (I COULDN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP IF I WAS TRYING)
Seriously it was like this movie was written by 12 year olds who were asked what was cool? Aliens...cool! Halo...cool! Ninjas, guns, girls in bras, rednecks, more guns----cool, cool, eh.., cool and cool!!!
Classic Lines:
***Reverend Roddy Piper (I don't care enough to look up his real character name):
"Jesus doesn't approve of you ripping my fucking leg off!"
"I've got God on my side. What do you got tin can?" followed shortly by, "Robots don't go to heaven!"
***Crazy Mother: (after the first day of carnage) "We can't have those bodies lying around the yard! They'll attract flies!"
***Jill Valentine type: (after redneck dude kills zombie Roddy Piper) "I want to fuck your soul!"
What the fuck moments:
Cheerleaders fighting over the head of the recently decapitated football captain.
Guns, flame throwers and football players can't do a damn thing to the aliens mech warrior. But, Roddy Piper is able to rip it's arms off with his bare hands!
The dog that Jeremy London shows back up only to have his neck snapped by the crazy Jill Valentine girl!
ZOMBIE RODDY PIPER!!!
How do I describe the end of this movie? It was a little like Super 8 mixed with the last Predator movie. If either of them had a cannibal biker. I wish half this shit wasn't in the movie. It would make this so much easier!! There was a nice twist at the end....no really! It was kinda out of left field. Almost like it was something they thought of at the last minute and decided to throw in two extra lines to make it work! But, they did!
I wish I could say that I hated this movie. But,I didn't. I can't rightly say that I liked it either. It was fun in a jacked up, no real story, how did this get made type of way. If you enjoy bad movies I'd say avoid this one. If you like horrible movies I'd say avoid it. If you like movies that make no sense, have no plot and even less character development then this is your Citizen Kane.
